Wreck of the Day
by The Queen of Alchemy
Summary: Two years after the Second Bloody Valentine War, and she was still staring at the wreck of her life. How could she believe in love, when her heart was in pieces around her? Oneshot. One-sided & implied AsuMey, implied AsuCaga.


**~WRECK OF THE DAY~**

***Inspiration and excerpts are from Wreck of the Day by Anna Nalick. Note: Only the verses typed here are the ones that should be taken in context with the story. This oneshot takes place two years after the Second Bloody Valentine War. Another thing: I will not tolerate Meyrin-bashing in any form WHATSOEVER. So if you want to leave a review like that, I will delete it and move on with my life. Or worse [for you Meyrin-bashing reviewers] I will reply.***

**MEYRIN**

_Driving away_

_From the wreck of the day;_

_And I'm thinking 'bout_

_Calling on Jesus._

_'Cause love doesn't hurt, _

_So I know I'm not falling in love;_

_I'm just falling to pieces._

December 4 is beautiful. Admittedly, it looks exactly like every December city on the PLANT, but I guess it's the only place I ever felt I could call home. Sort of. I still feel like I walk around only half-interested in life; like there's absolutely nothing that helps me distinguish between the days. They all just blur together sluggishly.

I live on my own now, but at least Luna is right down the street. Oh; and Shinn lives with her too. So I guess I can't complain about being lonely; we eat together, swapping responsibility for dinner on alternating days.

Wait...what? The traffic never gets this bad...ever...

As you can probably guess, I'm driving. It's almost seven now; the artificial stars are already out. I've never been there, but I hear that seeing the stars from Earth is magical. Sure, I've seen them for real; I was on a warship for six months. Just never from Earth.

I'm taking night classes at the December 4 college. In the day, I work as a computer techie. I retrieve lost information and configure personal operating systems. I like what I do, at least. I guess I have a nice, comfortable life.

Dammit, why am I pretending like I'm doing just fine? I'm talking to myself, and mentally, at that. No one has to hear about it.

I would have gotten a diary, but I have paranoia issues about that. But about how I'm not fully satisfied with my life: I have everything I could need physically; just nothing my heart needs even more.

I grip the steering wheel tighter.

It's been two years since the Second Bloody Valentine War. I guess you could say that's just about when my life started going downhill. It all started with Athrun Zala, actually. With that goddamned crush that never actually got anywhere.

Yes, I know, it's just a crush. And yes, I'm still not exactly over it, and yes, I'm still empty inside. Happy now, conscience of mine? I swear, my conscience is taking on the voice of Lunamaria. Chastising me and bleeding me dry of information. I have _got_ to stop bowing down to my subconscious.

God, can't this traffic move any faster?! Wait...there's ambulance lights and telltale sirens blaring obnoxiously. It's a car wreck, all right. Ironically synonymous with my life. _My sides are splitting._ Not.

And just _why_ is my life like a car wreck? Simple. It's that I'm still staring at the fragments my heart broke into when I watched Athrun go back to Orb. I don't think I feel for Athrun as badly as I did then; I know that much. So why does this have to be so damn hard? Why can't I just leave this car wreck in my love life alone, instead of picking at the pieces in vain, searching for survivors when there are none? Why is it so difficult to turn around and leave it all behind?

I know what my mom would say, if she were here. She was a devout Christian, and she'd tell me to have faith, and then everything would be alright. But after everything; I don't know. I was raised going to Sunday school, but...I just don't know any more.

I don't understand any of this. We're friends, I guess. Athrun emails me a lot, telling me about how happy he is with Cagalli, and that he hopes I'm well. I guess I'm happy for him, and on the outside, I guess I'm fine, so I write back and tell him that and give him a polite 'thank you for asking'. I tell him about my life, sometimes too, but not a hang of a lot. I don't think he knows I liked him. And I sure as hell am not going to tell him. People will say I shouldn't keep my feelings bottled up; but let's be honest; what feelings of mine would matter? Besides, I think that there are some occasions where talking about things really doesn't solve anything, and just makes things more complicated and stressful than they need to be._  
_

He sends me pictures, too. I painstakingly choose my words and say that Cagalli is beautiful, because no matter what the lump in my throat says, I know this: _She_ is_ beautiful, and she's very lucky. _

* * *

I'm nearing the crash site now. I turn my head, and close my eyes. My vision is stained red. The light show behind my eyelids throbs, and subsides.

And then, for the first time in over two years; I allow myself an action I've all but forbidden. I cross my arms over the steering wheel, drop my head, and allow a tear to escape my eye. My hair flops down to curtain my face on both sides. I let go of the pigtails a while ago.

One tear follows another, and soon, I'm sobbing my heart out.

I cry. I cry for the people who died today; for the people who died fighting a war; and for myself, because as selfish as it is, I'm still fighting myself; because I need to move on, but I've been holding myself back, forcing myself to examine the wreckage of my mistakes all over again. I cry, my car idling in standstill traffic. Blindly, I reach for the ignition and switch the car off.

By the time I'm done, the cars still haven't moved any. Maybe it was a good fifteen minutes. I wonder how many people driving alongside me will just keep their heads forward and drive away, because what happened today just doesn't concern them.

* * *

I drive away. Not just from the car wreck of today, but from mine that had happened two years ago. I'm done fighting a battle against my emotions; I'm done hating myself for everything. I think I know why having feelings for Athrun hurt so badly: it wasn't meant to be. I'm letting it go. I'm done staring at the ruin of the past: it's not going to fix anything, and nor should it. If I'm truly honest with myself, Athrun is a stranger to me, and me to him. I don't need to keep examining the wreckage of my adolescent crush; of love lost. Especially when he considers me nothing more than a friend.

That night, it was finally quiet. I didn't hear every little noise that had previously driven me to insomnia. I slept peacefully; I wasn't tied down by the past any more. I was going to_ live_ life. I'd finally left the wreck behind.

_Driving away_

_From the wreck of the day;_

_And it's finally_

_Quiet in my head._

_Driving alone,_

_Finally_

_On my way home_

_to the comfort of my bed._


End file.
